kirschbluete_00

lemme think....i dont understand the question.

id like to teleport anywhere.

My new Layout fits very well

kirschblüte = cheeryblossom lol

the neck pain is still there and so worse!
holy shit its so horrible,ive got such a pain in there
I go to the doctor tomorrow and ask him what can i do about that
and also ask for that psych. psychosomatic clinik
my neck hurts so much.....i cant take it any longer
tomorrow is the deadline
ill tell u i kill that GP if he says oh its ok mh dont know what we can do
ILL FUCKIN KILL HIM!

pfh *x

 

my neck hurts so much today! > <
i dont know why
im afraid maybe if i do the MRT on my neck it can be something worse!
i hope not
i dont wanna die or anything!

im just doin hot compress cuz my friend told me to do it maybe it will help
it is indeed a little better ...but not gone!
damn it hurts!

yeah whatever!

dont know what im doin now
but i hope that pain will go away
im praying for it!

☺

		I will marry Yukke.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Barcelona in our fabulous House.
		We will have 6 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Green Laguna.
		I will spend my days as a Actress, and live happily ever after.

I was just thinking about something
I was playing Final Fantasy IX 2 Times already

Now i am going to start it all over again
It is really my favourite Game,because the Storyline is so lovely and the Gameplay is so awesome
Its a love Story and about Freedom about loving everyone,whoever you are,you can be loved by others
And you can reach what you dream of,that is one point that that Game taught me
really,some might think is she crazy,yes i am lol 
but i have my reason for that.
Those Final Fantasy taught me so much things i needed to know and that others dont know.

I am really being proud of it to know and to be like that.
and of course its too much fun to play.
there is that guy,i think his name is "Raul" he is a star or something ,i dont remember it now,but its so much fun
somehow im really into it to play it again.

I also wanna play Tetra Master again

though its a bit more difficult  than Triple Triad Gold from FFVIII i like it

then i thought about my TV series that got offset from the Channels

I counted it together and i must say ,well....it's a lot already!

- Prison Break
- Heroes
- One Piece
- Inuyasha
- Detectiv Conan
- Dragonball GT (okay its on again on TV but it is the rerun!!!)
- LOST

well...its just too much,since i dont have much to do in my life i watch TV or stay at the PC the whole time 
i would like to have a job and go out everyday but now its not possible
lol,the doctors i went too maybe think im crazy and dont have anything serious
you know i wanna tell you that you can fuck yourself and go to hell where you came from!
they have no idea,of course i cant really describe what i have 
its in my head and then something is with my eyes
its hidden symptoms,its nothing organic,im so what of a healthy 
but i dont wanna believe it somehow,because how i feel it makes me wanna believe something else
but i dont ever wish that im sick or going to die
never,i wanna live as long as God gave me my life
it sucks a lot right now
especially when my fucking sister is making trouble all the time she can
i know it is on purpose lol
did she think im stupid? i know her forever,i know how her system works,she will never let a chance out to attack me and get me down
i know she isnt worth a single tear or thought
yet she is still here,living to no cost at our home
why didnt she rent a apartment after breaking up with her boyfriend?
why,i dont understand it,there is no reason why she didnt do it
i yelled at her today it is her fault im like that now but i think she didnt get a notice from that

so,the horror moments will go on,i have to do a nuclear spin tomography on my neck
oh im so happy , that makes me so relieved , that is soooooooooo sick! i dont wanna think of dying thoughts again 
i just remember the JRR interview with MUCC at Long Beach
there was something about Yukke dressing like the blonde girl
i love how Satochi's comment was "no titties no life" lol , was he being serious by saying that?
dammit,he is  a pervert , but that was too funny to tell it ,hahahahhaha i love that guy,why is he so funny?
he is good with laughing and making jokes.




nothing really interesting...

Last Night i dreamed of ムック again ! ♥

yes,and again this time it had more to do with Yukke!
Yukke,can you tell me why you always appear in my dream?
do you wanna tell me something or ask me?
but sad i always forget my dreams when i wake up...
but they always feel so real,especially when its with ムック
so i wanna try to remember all i can at least


I was at my neighbours home,and it was a mix of their home and ムック Tourbus!
so it was like every member had their own room,there were two beds in every room
on the left side and on the right side,those rooms were very tiny and small
so i was with them all the time,but i couldnt really talk to them because i dont speak japanese and they dont speak german neither english.So i was just trying to be kind and polite and friendly
I was feeling uncomfortable somehow,i had decided somehow to stay overnight and had to choose in which room i want to sleep
so i opened every door and saw them sleeping,i thought i go to Miya at first,but i thought "no,if you go there now he might slap you or get really mad lol"i dont know but i know Miya is a good man and not mean or anything.
So i ended up looking in Yukke's Room and he was already in a deeply sleep lol
*glimps* ♥
So i rushed up as quietly as i could and took the right side of the bed and got to sleep.
I were looking at his Face for some minutes,he was so endlessly cute and sweethearted
my heart began to warm up and i  thoughtt how wonderful and beautiful he is while sleeping.
He is indeed a wonderful man and Person,and the talented Bassist i have ever known.
I would be happy if i could really spent some time with them,everyday be with them,share my life with me,smile and be happy with them and having fun together ♥
we would fit together,even without any talk or words we would understand each other too perfectly
If i could only tell them how much i would like to do that and how much i love them ,what i feel for them.
Im not a Fangirl or a Stalker,im not like the most Fan's they have
It seems their Japanese Fans are very kind and cute and not as disturbing like some others
when Yukke did that Peek-a-boo to his Fans i was too happy with smiling
I love when he takes his hand to his mouth and laughs

 
I love you so much yujje ♥

why is it like that?


TELL ME SOMEBODY!!!!!!

why the hell is my life so horrible?


WHY?

i dont understand it
i dont want any  happy people
go to hell if you are happy or living a normal life
i dont want those people in my life
coz my fuckin life will never be okay whatever you say !!!!!
i tried to change it i tried to do something but it never worked out

i hate my life seriously i do
somehow i love it too
i love my little things i have
i love my dog and my rabbit
and i love my 2 internet friends
and i love FF and KH
and of course i love MUCC for all my life
but that doesnt make anything better!
i wanna cry everday 
im so alone,nobody is there for me
dont come near me if you wanna tell me my life will be better and dont give up or wtf...
i know that myself,i know my life will be better someday and change into very good!!!
i dont know what is my problem i just dont like those people
and i am in a shit position now
my psychotherapist is a fuckin whore she can go to hell
why the doctor didnt tell what to do?
how can i heal my sickness? never? i cant?
i cant wait anymore!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel so horrific...............so SHIT
my head.............its so weird................my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what is with my head!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so afraid............
nobody can understand me..................

ajje

I dreamed about MUCC last night
it was a loooooooong one
but i totally forgot about it after waking up 
*cries*
The Dream was about Yukke and Me!
Nothing perverted!
But I was the whole time with him
i felt very comfortable being with that guy
it felt so real
I was so close with Yukke
we did some things together and it was so great
It is like we have known each other forever
I feel that for real,i think i know those guys my whole lifetime
somehow weird 
but i tknow if i could be with them everyday we would make a perfect match

hahahaha...
I am conected to them,i would like to ask Yukke what we were doing in my dream because i forgot it!
Yukke,what did we do?
why did you appear in my dream?
i know it was a loving dream and i was so in love at that time
i was the happiest girl that has ever lived in the world
I wish i can do that in reality someday
Be with them
If they only could speak english fluenty or my language
Mhhh

Anyway,thank You for the wonderful dream Yukke :3

i just noticed again how fat i am when i tried to find some clothes and wanted to change
i dont have ANY clothes!! that's hilarious.
my hair is too short but when i think about it it didnt really grow,just my bangs did.
because they are so broken they had to cut that much,they are to my shoulder now.
i hope they grow fast this time
i am so pissed i never have any money,i want money !!
you dont know how it is to live without any money.okay,maybe some of you know it
but im really pissed and i wanna work
doesnt matter if those fuckin symptoms crack me up again,ill work
IM PISSED PISSED FUCKIN PISSED OFF!!

anyway,i need money ! so i need to come up with an idea
i swear i call my dad tomorrow and brush his EMPTY HEAD off.
maybe he will remember he once had a daughter.
but in his case i dont think it will help.
and i call at "wellfigura" its something like weight watchers,i wanna make a new appointment.and then i will ask if it gets paid,because i cant pay that stuff.
some things i have to turn on now....its a lot and i always say i do it and give up after all,so i cant promise anything to myself
all i can do now is move,doesnt matter how worse i feel,i think i wont die.

i said i wanted to do a Fanletter,it turned out to be a Calendar!
i copy drawings,and write some japanese ,but there is one thing that bothers me:

http://tokyocube.com/lifestyle.php?subnav=language&feature=writing&article=Days%20of%20the%20Week%20in%20Kanji

WTH!
the second kanji! look at it!
im trying to write it but its too haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!
what for a letter is that?
are you kidding me..i like the japanese letters though,but i cant WRITE it
i wanted to make monday,and then above or under it the japanese word for it
i want to write it in kanji but its so hard.
and that so many times...uuh..i dont know if im that patient.
i hope i can meet them someday and tell them to use it,because i put so much effort in it
and plus its very practical i think. ♥
im doing them a good thing,not giving them a plushie,i think they have more than enough of them!
But im not going to give them only that calendar,im thinking of something else.


my mom is out now for the day to a Chatter Meeting
lolz.fuck her.
what do they do there?
talking.lol
and she paid 30€!!id be better she gave it to me.
that is wasted now!

i watched the backstage thing from the french Homura Uta DVD
oh i loved it!!
How mean Yukke was and sneaked at the Fans that were outside.
He looked through the door and the girl noticed him and told her friends 
then he looked again and was waving and then the girls screamed "KAWAIII! 
hahahaha,he is an idiot,but he is funny and lovely to tell.
But i just loved Miya's Face while doing his Make Up. ♥

oh man


the symptoms i had at first are coming back now
i knew it...i knew it wouldnt leave me like that
oh shit.i dont wanna have that anymore!!
im always afraid im fainting or dying at every moment
it feels like that
to that its super HOT right now
god im dying
im so pissed right now,i dont know what to do,i also need money already,but like that i cannot work!
how am i supposed to if i feel like that?
i couldnt do that...
i wonder if its even really a masked depression or something else
though i made many tests and many doctor visits,they all said "you have depressions"
oh thank you ,im so relieved,so now what i am going to do?
nobody said something to me,i really feel so lost at the moment
can a psychotherapist really help me?
i dont know....i just wanna make it go away
i also got a hair cut today
i didnt make anything different
just they had to cut A LOT of my hair because it was so broken down
i know its from the iron straightener,its from the heat
but i have to use it,because i have natural curly hair
so now its VERY short T v T
my life really makes no sense 

<3

Hello!

ive got a dream about Tatsurou
too bad the others weren't there
it was about a swimming competition
i dont remember what happend
but i know tatsurou was in it
and he swam! he did !
when i was looking at him he had a black shorts and a black SWEATER!!!!
i thought "why do you have that on?"
but it thought "okay,he is japanese,maybe that is usual they wear it" because they are strict
BUT WTF...
at least lemme see your upper body !! ♥ ♥
he was swimming with that
so after it he was all wet 
i wanted to be kind and gave him a towel,i hung it around him
but he was like "I dont need it" and took it off

OH GOD I WAS SMASHED ! 
surely he didnt like my kindness
oh sorry i was being kind !!
i wasnt bothersome or stalking or something else
he was just all wet and might catch a cold
what's wrong with that giving him a towel?
what?
im so sad right now....

im glad it was just a dream
just imagine it really happend ,what would he be like if i hung a towel around him?
i cant guess it...
but probably he wouldnt be like "get off you fuckin bitch i dont need it"
noooooo,he wouldnt,he is kind kind kind kind and lovely ! ♥
that is real! ♥

 you know what?

no you dont


my mom just came to me and said "hey look what i have for you"
instead of doing already something nice to me she did a worse thing to me again


she made an appointment for me at the dentist!


DENTIST!!!

i cant believe this...

YOU FUCKIN BITCH 


who said i wanna go?
i never said that
though it has to be done
i have two holes in my tooth lol


but im just afraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid !!!
the last time i went there was too horrible
what they did to me...
its over every human's imagination
it hurted like hell 
and my cheeks were so fat
and thumping


im so fucking pissed off right now
why did she do that?
i dont wanna go there


bitch,i hope you die from your every second smoke cigaretts.

 1. How long have you been a mucker?
     Since june 2005 

2. Who is your favourite member?
     EVERYONE.

3. Your top three mucc songs:
     i like every song!

4. What mucc song do you always sing at karaoke?
    i never sing karaoke

5. What colour is each member like?
     Tatsurou: Colored 
     Miya: Red
     Yukke: Yellow and Green.
     Satochi: i think he's like tatsurou

6. Who, other than Tatsurou, would you like to take vocals?
     if it cant be Tatsurou then i guess MUCC had to break up.
     I dont say the other's cant sing,i dont know,but there is nobody singing better for MUCC than him.

7. If you could make them do cosplay what character would you make them do?
T:  MONKEY!
M:  A  Siam Cat. 
Y:  Guinea pig lol
S:  He could do a cosplay for HARD GAY lol.

8.   If mucc were a family, who would be who?
T:   He would be the youngest brother and the craziest one
M:  The oldest Bro who's cleaning everything up and teaches the other a lesson hahah
Y:   A sweet boy who thinks he's a girl lol
S:   i cant tell... he is mysterious LOL

9.   Who would you like to collaborate with mucc on one of their records?
D:   i dont really know

10. What would you want to do if you encountered them?
       i dont know
       i wouldnt say anything
       hahahaha
       but i would be too happy 
       that would be the happiest day in my life
       oh i would ask them if i can be with them forever hahahah

11. If you were in mucc what position would you take?
       Yukke's Place.

12. MUCC's good points, one by one:
       How can I say that,
       i dont really know them
       but from what i know or see in them,they are so friendly and kind and funny 
       they have something ,i dont know,its very mysterious
       id like to know that
       but for me they are the world
       weird ,isnt it? lol


13. If the sender of this meme was a mucc member who would it be?
       I think maybe Yukke,he seems to enjoy writing.

14. 最後にムックへの愛をどうぞ！
      WHATEVER! lol

15. 次に回すムッカーにどうぞ！
 

jesus christ

i hope i can sleep tonight

if not,oh fuck i dont know who im gonna hurt by incident!
i want to sleep

sleep sleep sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep....


really,if that continues for days now im so freaking out
im gonna kill someone
doesnt matter who at home,im fine with both results lol

no,i would never do that
i have my pride
besides that...i took a bath ,i wanna stay clean hzz

goodnight MUCC 

i love you ♥ ♥

got to sleep at 3:30 AM
slept 1-2 hours

oh life how much i hate you you dont know !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i couldnt sleep
its so annoying and im REALLY tired 
man when its gonna end already
i have enough !
............

bye

today i feel great
i slept goooooooooooooooood
thanks to hot milk and honey and a bit detectiv loki lol
that manga is so crap boring you just can fall asleep from it
i really needed sleep
my eyes were dead and burned like the hell

oh i got in contact with a girl i know from ebay
i bought some mucc stuff there
so she said if im interested at some mucc stuff and showed it to me via webcam
they are beautiful

she has so much things from them
she asked what i wanted and i said it
she said she will pack the stuff i want in a bag and waits for me to pay
because i said i dont have any money right now...

it needs time
but i will get them all
i love the posters she showed me
oh,its soooooo much !!!!!!!!!!


MUCC MUCC MUCC MUCC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*jump*

im happy about it

one piece was also great today
the flying lamb came to save the pirates !!!
oh its so cute !!
but the preview of the next episode showed she will break
i hope they can repeat her


i dont know
but i have the feeling my sister likes to provoke me
she loves to bully me
it makes her happy inside
maybe she get fucked from it so good that she get hyper orgasm 

lol seriously
i think she is that crappy sick she does
and my mom said she is living here too
oh really? she doenst pay any rent
she is illegal here,i know that

crappy mom bitch and sister 
they should already die
maybe while shitting they should
i would laugh my ass off id die with them lol

goodnight 

goodnight muckers hzz

I DIDNT SLEEP

DIDNT

COULDNT

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!

oh god,i feel so dead 
i cant sleep when its so bright 
so i have to wait a little now
oh fuck
i didnt sleep an hour
maybe 10 min
great
and i need to throw up 

life is too hard to me seriously now
that cant be true...
why is it like that?
i dont understand why i need to get through that
i havent done anything wrong



bye bye

i started to watch an japanese drama again
it's "Last Friends"
i love it,finally something interesting for me,its hard to keep me interested in something
but this is too good
its about domestic violence
god ryo nishikido is so super kind and cute,he can act every role i think
he was always so cute and kind in every drama i saw him till now
but now he's the bad one
he does it really good

im enjoying the drama !

i read mucc's myspace blog aswell today
i created a new account now
interesting i know =  =

today i felt okay 
nothing happend
im just suffering from my back pain everyday
man that sucks so much i hate it
eeeew shit back die !

i have a good idea for my fan letter
i wanna print some mucker pictures
also those when they were babys
lol i just think it might be cute 
i love to get creative ideas
i want them to laught at my letter if they see it
i hope they can see it someday
if they come back,i hope ill be able to give it to them
jesus christ,im too nervous and too shy
you cant tell how hard it would be for me
but if its for MUCC....well
i guess i can overcome it for that moment lol

i need a printer

who has one?
i dont.....oh holy crap...

i dont know anyone who has a printer i could use

hmm...that's bad now 

im alone now



i was just viewing mucc's blog

its very funny i had to smile
i think if i would be with mucc all the time i would always be happy and smiling stress free and .....exhausted LOL 

i knew how their tourbus would look like
i imagined it in my mind if i was sleeping there 
i was right
thank you miya

i ate sweets and chocolate today
gooooooood i wanna throw up
i hate sweets and chocolate..........
why do you eat it?

well that is simple

im a frustrated fat ass girl.
that is all there is to say.


goodnight

goodnight yujje miya tatsurou and satochi